kato, what can I say but "wow". deep and meaningful, says it all. Beautiful to say the least. But you are blaming yourself for something you have no power over. MI is all powerful. If you have a God talk to it. If you berlieve in something share your thoughts with it. If not you will shorely lose. kato, you have more than many others who care and are concerned, your fellow MIs on this forum. Maybe it is not the same, but define reality. To me it is where I am not where I want/ think I should be. Feel to power of the forum, it is all consuming.

loopy