Grief

[optik99]

Hi

My dad passed away about 10 months ago. Its been so tough since.

There is a lot of hurt inside me, and I am not able to communicate this hurt to people around me in the right way.

I am so tired. I had a tiff with sis in law about 3 weeks ago, and she has been passive aggressive since. I know it should not affect me as much, but it is, maybe because I am generally grieving. I am not sure if anyone has gone through this before, but thought I would share where I'm at.

[Owlunar2]

Grief is very painful @optik99  and takes as long as it takes.

And it is true that many people do not understand what it feels like unless they have had a similar experience. And of course - no one wishes this on anyone.

You will be sensitive during this time - also - someone else's passive aggression is hard to take - best let that person to herself until you feel stronger

People here care a great deal and will help as much as we can - also - if you can get a mental health plan from your GP it might help to speak to a psychologist. This doesn't mean you are mentally ill - just that you are is a bad place right now - and you are

I wish you all the best - 

Owlunar

[Cleo2]

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. It took me years after the funeral for me to get the willpower to visit my dad's grave again because of all the mixed emotions.

When I finally went, it wasn't so bad. I asked him how he was. I told him I hoped he was either feeling nothing or feeling happy. I told him I missed him and when I left, I said, until we meet again.

About your sis in law. If I was in your situation, I would wait until I'm ready and then apologise for the tiff happening (not because you did anything wrong). If she said something she shouldn't have, then just add that you need some more time to work things out.

Hope this helps. Take care.

[MJG017]

Hi @optik99, welcome to the forum.  I'm sorry to hear about your dad.  As others have point out grief takes as long as it takes and you shouldn't pressure yourself about still being deeply affected by it.  It's only natural and you really do need to take whatever time you need until you feel ready to start to heal.  I think the grief is always there, it just changes and gets easier to deal with over time.  You'll remember you dad with all the good memories but that pain will always be there.  So take whatever time you need to heal and just focus on that for now.  Your sister in law will be there when you are ready, and she may even reach out in the meantime.

Once again, welcome, and thanks for sharing... I don't imagine it was easy to do.

[optik99]

So is it okay if I stay away from her at this point?
I have to see her at some family event but I dont think I would want to interact with her.

[optik99]

Thank you so much for the support. Just hearing from folks here helps a lot.

[optik99]

Thanks for sharing your experience with me, it helps to know im not alone in this.
Its an overwhelming feeling, grief.

I'm not even sure how to interact with my sil at the moment, she said something like "I would apologize if I was wrong, but i havent dont anything wrong so I wont apologize" - and then next time we saw each other at a family event, she was giving me the silent treatment and ignoring me, even though I was being quite normal and trying to engage in conversation.

When I googled this behavior, this is pretty passive aggressive. I do love my husband and I am hoping this doesnt affect things between me and him (it hasnt so far, thank God) - but I am not okay with passive aggressive behaviour. Its one thing to not support someone going through grief, and its another to add to it. I am not sure what to do about it at the moment.

[tyme]

Hey hun @optik99 ,

Do whatever it takes to help you grieve. 

There is no right or wrong to grieving, and you don't need the added stress of people giving you grief.

If you are up to it, let her know you are still grieving and you don't have the energy for anything else right now. 

Otherwise, just stay away 🙂

You are not alone.

Tagging others so they read your posts from above @MJG017 @Cleo2 @Owlunar2 

[MJG017]

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@optik99 wrote:
So is it okay if I stay away from her at this point?
I have to see her at some family event but I dont think I would want to interact with her.

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@optik99  I think that's up to what ever you feel is best for you.  If it's too much to deal with at the moment for you then, I'd say don't.  Could your husband go and have a chat with her and try to mend some fences so to speak?

Yes, passive aggressive behavior drives me nuts.  I'd rather someone just comes out and says what i've done wrong than play these games.  It always seemed a bit childish to me and made me just want to avoid them.  You're still grieving and a little sensitivity to that would go a long way.  Don't feel bad in any way for doing what ever you feel you have to do to get through this very difficult time.  You are your primary concern right now.

[optik99]

Thanks a lot for your response. Yes, I may speak to my husband to sort this. I dont think I want to speak to her atm because its going to be a blame game for which I dont have energy.