Lived Experience Forum

[Trauma0]

Hey beautiful human beings, I'm trauma0 with a lot of built up sadness anger and hatred towards the world and towards the people who hurt me, I haven't been a normal kid since I was 5 years old after my pop died, I then turned 7 when the bad things started to happen it continued until I was 18 and then I got out, but now that I've been mentally screwed up I haven't been able to love my partner the way he deserves to be loved, I can't give him privacy I've always got to look over his shoulder or snoop through his phone or his consoles to make sure his not cheating, I know that's a privacy issue but that's based on the fact that I've been through so much trauma that I don't have 100% faith in him to be loyal and to not cheat you know and I love him to bits but some of the things he does send me back to my past where Im traumatized from males and some of the things that males have done to me should not be said but you all probably get the jist of where that's heading, my story is crazy and effed up my story is long so apologies in advance 🙂

[Trauma0]

Also I can't love myself the way I should be able too as a human being

[marchhare]

Hi there TraumaO,

We wanted to take this opportunity to welcome you to the forums.

We hope that you find the forums a great place to connect with other members, share stories and ideas, and find the support and connection you deserve.

Feel free to Introduce yourself here if you haven’t already!

We look forward to seeing you around on the forums!

The SANE Forums Team e: team@saneforums.org

[NatureLover]

Welcome - I'm really sorry to hear about your trauma, @Trauma0 😢

I want to encourage you - I have childhood (actually lifelong) trauma, and over many years with talking about it in therapy, I've got some healing. Enough so I'm not living out of my trauma any more. I was so angry! The damage will never be completely healed, as it was too deep, but I can now get on with my life without anger and hatred.

Do you have any professional support? Like a counsellor, meds, psychologist or psychiatrist?

An important forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply.

I hope you find the forums supportive...

[Trauma0]

Hey, I'm sorry to hear about your trauma, it's insane how many people have trauma or like any mental health issues I used to think to myself that I was the only one suffering from mental health because of how much I've been beaten down constantly from predators and bullying that I suffered from in primary and highschool I would be constantly verbally attacked and I was physically assaulted as a 7 year old, sexually and I was mentally scarred from that age onwards I had 5 older men over the age of 30 touch me and get off on it one of them when I was 7 actually jacked off to my sleeping body and I was so hopeless and helpless in one of the stages I got sexually assaulted, it's so hard to even move on from that I've said to everybody that I'm okay and that I'm finally feeling better but deep down I know I'm lying to my family partner and friends my mental health is really effed up and nobody truly knows the pain I feel inside everyday everybody says they understand but nobody does because they didn't go through the same shit as me and hasn't lived through what I've lived through as a young girl who lost her innocence at just the age of 7 flipping 7 years old from what I've endured through the years of my life no one will fully understand my pain and my hatred 

[Trauma0]

Sorry for my language in advance as in me swearing

[Trauma0]

Sorry I didn't reply to your question to answer your question I was on anti depressants but I took myself off them because I couldn't do day to day things in life and plus I'm trying to focus on getting my ps (car licence) so I can't be on any substances including legal

[NatureLover]

Hi @Trauma0 , yes, you're allowed to swear on here 🙂

It's important to tag me or else I would miss your messages. Just put a @ before my name (or anyone's name). 

I'm sorry for your suffering. As I understand it, the meds are to allow us to deal with therapy. Do you have a counsellor to listen and help you work through it? 

[Trauma0]

@NatureLover hey I did have that before hand but it didn't help me out at all 

[NatureLover]

Please don't give up on finding a good cousellor @Trauma0  - I waited 18 years to find one that suited me, but that was worth it as I got so much healing. 

(Thanks for tagging me 🙂 )