(TW: Suicide Ideation) I want to die

[Parzival]

@Snowie this is how I feel all the time. Sleep is forced, and doesn’t feel like an escape. With little to no support I’d just prefer to give up

[Snowie]

No sleep doesn't feel like an escape, it feels more like a chore @Parzival Something that just needs to be done. Just put it on the list of things that just need to be done everyday. It becomes mundane, just like brushing your teeth.

What support do you have? 

Giving up is an option. Another option is allowing yourself the time to be able to recover. I'm not going to sit here and tell you that it is easy, that these thoughts never return. It is something that does take time to overcome. 

I found the members on here to be extremely supportive through my positive and negative times. Sometimes when I need that extra support I will always give the Sane helpline a call. I find this to be really helpful too. Have you ever used any support lines? 

[lavenderhaze]

Hey @Parzival, 

I have sent you a check in email; please keep an eye out. 💜 

[Doog]

I'm lucky. Sleep is all I look forward to.

[Parzival]

@Snowie I only started seeing a therapist again recently, so far I’ve had 2 sessions. That is all the support I have.

I have been ‘giving it time’ for 6 years, and these past 4 months have been the end of my patience. After having to go through too many traumatic things at one time I am exhausted.

I don’t do phone calls because of my anxiety, I prefer online webchats or anonymous forums like these

[Parzival]

@Jynx I have a therapist, but it’s new. This is all the help I have, I am socially isolated and don’t leave the house.

[Snowie]

At least you have started to see a therapist again @Parzival That is such a big step within itself.

I am like you an prefer online web chats. I find it easier to type then to talk. I love the anonymity of this forum too. I have found it to be a big support for myself. I hope you find it like that also.

[Parzival]

@Snowie I’ve given therapy a go many times to no success, so I’m hoping that this time I get something.

Forums is good, but I don’t like the rank system. I’m already a ‘senior contributor’ and I’ve only made 3 posts. It makes me feel like I’m extremely sick if it updates your title based on how much you post here.

Otherwise it’s an okay place to say how I’m feeling, and nice people support me

[Snowie]

Giving therapy another go shows that there is some fight in you @Parzival 

I really hope that it helps you.

Unless you want to become a Community Guide you will just stay a Senior Contributor for all your time on the forums now. It will not change anymore.

[Jynx]

Yeah sorry @Parzival it's a bit of a funny system, but like @Snowie said it's just about how many posts you've made, and there's only like three diff labels - new contributor, contributor, and senior contributor. Will definitely pass on your feedback though. 

Fingers crossed this therapeutic relationship will be a healing one for you - feel free to keep us posted.