relationship with a narcissistic person (edited by moderator)

[MW1978]

Well I'm here today to share my story about a relationship with a narcissistic person.  This person is a police officer, who I regarded as a friend.  We did date, that didn't work, so took a break came back as friends with some benefits.  It didn't work for me, but breaking away from him has been such a stressful ordeal.  He slanders women, particularly ex partners who have rejected him.  In one instance made up a story about a female he dared twice.  I reached out to this other female as I was concerned about these alagations.  He claimed she had severe mental health issues.  Turns out he was messaging her to the point of obsessive.  It's really hard to break away from a narcissistic person, as you feel like they play the victim, and everyone else is the issue.  I've been stressed and anxious.  Felt like I was the one who had mental health problems.

Anyone else dealt with a narcissist?

[lavenderhaze]

Hi @MW1978 ❤️

I'm so sorry to hear that; that sounds so hard

Are you still in contact with this person?

I was also wondering if you had any professional supports in place?

[MW1978]

Yesterday yes, today no and tomorrow no, and everyday to come no, there will be no contact.  If there is, it's on my terms.  That's the reality of this situation is I am able to identify this behavior.  Didn't make it an easy experience.  If anything it has been very challenging.  It caused stress and anxiety.

Having support and strength to say I'm actually ok, is empowering.  Narcissistic people hate losing control of other people.  Moving forward I don't want this experience to happen again, so learning from this is a positive 

[MW1978]

Being on here is supporting.  I rang Beyond Blue as it was very hard to regulate my feelings and emotions,that helped.  I've also had contact with someone that is very caring, spiritual and her guidance has been unquestionably a great help.

[lavenderhaze]

Hi @MW1978 

It seems like you have had a perspective shift after you realized that this person was not good for you; this is great to see. I think setting boundaries and honoring them is really hard sometimes, but it seems like you're doing a good job at this.

I am happy to know that you were able to reach out for support and get some help. ❤️

Just a tip: if you want someone to be notified of your response, just use @, and then their name should pop up if they were recently active on the thread; otherwise, just search for their name and select it. It should be highlighted in blue like this: @MW1978 

[MW1978]

@lavenderhaze The challenge is the 50/50 feeling, the one where your feelings could go either way.   I've kept moving, stayed active.  I reached out for advice, embraced my feelings, challenged my thought process.  At the moment the stress and anxiety are low, but still there hindering.  It is a healing process.  I remind myself I am doing ok and I am strong.  It's wonderful to be on this site, and express my feelings

[lavenderhaze]

I completely understand where you're coming from @MW1978.

The 50/50 feeling can be incredibly challenging, especially when you're caught between moving forward and feeling the weight of lingering feelings. I've been in a similar situation recently, and although it wasn't due to a narcissistic partner, my needs weren't being met either. It took a lot for me to step back for my own good, and even now, some days feel like a battle against those old feelings creeping back in.

What has helped me is constantly reminding myself why I needed to detach in the first place. As you said, it's a healing process, and recognising that it's okay to have ups and downs is crucial. Embracing your feelings and challenging your thought process are significant steps forward, and they are a testament to your strength and resilience.

Staying active and reaching out for support, like you are doing, are wonderful ways to navigate this journey. The fact that you're here, expressing your feelings and seeking support, shows how strong and determined you are.

You're doing an amazing job; even on the tough days, it's important to acknowledge your progress. ❤️

[MW1978]

@lavenderhaze oh wow thank you for those awesome words,  and encouraging advice 💓

[Glisten]

Hi 👋🏼 @MW1978  thank you for sharing your experience.

I am still recovering from a 13 year de facto relationship with a Covert Narc.

The “Final Discard” was December 22.

@Former-Member has a extensive knowledge and information on the subject.

I found @Jynx ’s thread The Toolshed valuable and validating.

G

[HopeDream]

Hi @MW1978,

I think I can relate to your story somewhat. I used to be in a relationship with a guy I met online. At first, everything was wonderful - you could say that he charmed me, and pulled all the "right moves" to win over my heart. But over time, his behaviour changed. He never took accountability for his actions when he hurt me. He invalidated my experiences, saying I was "too sensitive" and that I need to learn how to "take a joke." But somehow I was still able to endure it all, because at the end of the day, he gave me the one thing I thought I needed - reassurance that I was someone that was worthy of being loved. After all, he chose me, of all people.

During the relationship, I was deeply unhappy, but I persisted. And now, having broken up with this person, I feel liberated, because it's as if I finally realise for the first time in my life that I don't need other people to determine my worth. It's still hard, but I believe I have grown as person thanks to this relationship. So I guess having gone through it all, I hope you always remember that their behaviour is not your fault, and that you are enough.

- HopeDream