Lived Experience Forum

[LFS]

Hi I've been struggling a lot with feelings of depression. Some people treat me very badly and I'm already feeling very down as it is and this just makes it a lot worse. Any tips to help with this would be very much appreciated. 

[Appleblossom]

Dont take other people's bad behaviour personally.

Learn ways to defend self from it.

Maybe you cant change their behaviour, sometimes we can move away from it .. but sometimes we might choose to stay and call it out.

[Lunar]

Hello @LFS,

I am so sorry to hear that people are treating you badly, and as you are already feeling down that is making things worse.

It sounds like some support would be helpful. Is there anyone that you can talk to about this, such as a friend or family member or even a psychologist? You could also focus on doing some things that help you to feel a bit better, like any self-care you like to do, this might also help to take your mind off thing's.

Is there any way you can have less contact with these people?

Lunar

[suzanne]

One thought @LFS - sometimes when we are treated badly by others, it triggers our own tendency to be self-critical.  One critical look or comment from family or colleagues can start off an internal dialogue 'I can tell they don't like/love/value me. No-one ever does.  I'm such a loser....' And on and on it goes. 

While we can't control the behaviour of others, people will be thoughtless or mean sometimes, we can at least get control of our own thoughts.  We can tune into what we are saying to ourselves and start to change it.  Challenge the negative thoughts - 'I'm not a loser. I struggle to make friends sometimes but there are people in my life who respect me'.  Replace them with more positive ones 'I know that I'm smart and kind and will learn to make new friends'.  

Obviously these are just examples and may not be relevant to you.  But I never cease to be amazed at how unkind people are to themselves through their thoughts.  Perhaps by focusing on the part of this problem you can control, you'll start to feel better.

If you want to learn more about managing your thoughts you can learn it through free online courses like this one.

Hope this helps 🙂

[Arjay]

Hi @LFS

hope you're feeling better.  I sometimes feel worse after what others do or say, it is really hard sometimes.  Yesterday was terrible, but in the end I got out and distracted myself with other activity.  I find people who I know will support me and seek their companionship.  Here seems good.

cheers

[LFS]

I've been through so, so, so much suffering since early 2008 and very horrible things have happend to me that shoudn't have ever of happened. At the moment I'm feeling very depressed and are just trying to get by the best I can.

I  had some horrendous things happen to me six and a half years ago that were very wrong in how they happened. I've wanted and need some  closer for what happened to me and haven't got it. Any good idea's in finding closer would be very much appreciated?.

[LFS]

I' ve been waiting about 30 weeks to see a psychologist where I live in the country. I accidently forgot when my appointment was that was about 16 weeks ago. I rang up and got it rescheduled and they said they'll try to get me in as soon they can given how long I've been waiting and they still haven't got back to me.

[Lunar]

Hello @LFS,

That sounds terribly frustrating not being able to see a psychologist for such a long time, are there any counsellors in your area?! You could also try some online options or helplines for support, such as Lifeline?

I'll attach some online programs that may help:

E-couch
Website (interactive)
https://ecouch.anu.edu.au 
e-couch is a self-help interactive program providing information about emotional problems - what causes them, how to prevent them and how to treat them. It includes exercises to help you understand yourself and others better.Provides evidence-based information and teaches strategies drawn from cognitive, behavioural and interpersonal therapies as well as relaxation and physical activity.

Mood Gym

https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

Moodgym is an internet training program based on the delivery of CBT for preventing depression. Moodgym aims to help identify and overcome problem emotions and develop good coping skills. Includes anxiety and depression assessments.

Maybe have a read through those options?!

Lunar

[Zuflae]

As Suzanne said we can't control the behaviour of others but to some extent we can control the way we react to it but I did struggle with putting that into practice.

What has since helped me is that when others treat you badly it's more a reflection on them as a person and not you. Some people just aren't nice and can't see outside of themselves. Some find it easier to judge and ridicule others rather than address issues in their own lives that they aren't happy with.

There is nothing you can do about people like this but now I try to think of it in terms of it's good to know who that person "really" is and to try and remove them from my life. It is impossible to be able to look after yourself if you are constantly taking a hammering from people around you.

It's not an easy thing to do but it does get better and it still does hurt when people treat you badly but putting into perspective of it's not my problem and I can't change it does make it easier to deal with, at least for me it has.