Lived Experience Forum

[eth]

Hello @CheerBear  sorry to hear what you went through with such an invasion by media.  Outrageous.  I too would have gone ballistic on them.  And I can understand what a plethora of big feelings you must have experienced because  of it.   Fight and flight both totally valid in that situation.  It's really good that your child ended up being edited out of the footage, but so wrong that it happened in the first place.  Their needs to be law around that.  It makes me angry that so often the victims of a perpetrator have to change entirely the way they live their life, while the perpetrator doesn't change a thing.  It's so unfair.  

I'm glad to hear you had your counsellor that afternoon and that seems to have been helpful for you.  

Mamma Bear stand your ground.  You have a right to the life you've created for yourself and your family.   More fool anyone who crosses you.

So glad you have the forums and don't have to hide here.

I only just saw your post or I would have responded sooner.  Feeling really angry on your behalf.  

This morning I am doing an interview for a researcher doing a PhD thesis on the effects of DV and things that can contribute to some semblance of recovery.  It's been 10 years now for me and I've done lots of recovery work so I really hope I can contribute to the study in a way that is helpful for others in the long run.  

Hi to you too @frog .  If you have another thread and you'd like to talk please do tag me there.  I'd like to get to know you better, and support you if you want support.

Take care both of you  

[CheerBear]

Hey @eth 🙂 Good to see you. Thank you for listening to my vent and for getting what that morning might have meant and done to me.

I think ballistic is a good way to describe it. That night Big was telling me about their experience of it all. They mentioned how I sounded very calm and not fussed on the phone with them and how for a moment they thought I wouldn't do anything about it. After hanging up with me they apparently said to themselves "no she's going to go absolutely bat*&#% crazy", which is exactly what I did and was always going to do 😆 It was full mumma bear style which I'm OK with.

I hope that this morning goes well for you. I think you'd have a lot to offer and it's great that you're taking opportunities to contribute like that. Interested in hearing what you think helps recovery from family violence, if you ever feel up to and would like to share your thoughts (totally get you might not want to though). Hope it feels OK/good for you to be part of and do ❤

[eth]

Hey @CheerBear   I'll give it some due consideration and try to answer you later today.

[CheerBear]

Absolutely no rush or pressure at all @eth. It's just one of those things I'm super interested in and passionate about. Whenever/if ever is good 😊👍

[Shaz51]

ohhhhhhhh hugs @CheerBear 

hugs @TheVorticon , @eth , @frog , @Bimby2 , @Teej 

[eth]

Hey @CheerBear  for me it's been a whole bunch of things put together.  And accepting that I won't be the same person I was before it happened - some things change us forever.  The interview I did this morning went for 1 1/2 hours and about half of it was focussed on what helps with recovery.  Plus it's up to you what 'recovery' actually means.  I posted a definition of it that works for me over on the 'Anyone started with the NDIS' page yesterday.  So for me it's been important to be in a safe living situation well away from the perpetrator, have a support team - both professional (GP, psychologist and psychiatrist) and (I'm lucky to have) 'informal' supports in my case my bro and sil in particular and currently support workers to go out with (gradual exposure), and a combination of meds, therapy and behaviour changes (e.g. ceasing to self-medicate, not engaging in risky behaviours).  Plus education about the cycles of violence, recognizing red flags, what trust requires, how to understand the many different forms dv can take and more.  I did a course called Living Beyond Abuse at the local womens centre.  And my (now adult) child has had a fair bit of therapy too.  Lots of work to overcome guilt and shame and self-blame there for me.  And I'm having CBT, DBT and  EMDR therapy  which seems to be lessening the frequency and intensity of triggers.  I recover from them a bit faster too.   And always adding to my list of self-care activities.

So like I said, a little bit of a whole lot of things. 

I should say that I am absolutely still a work in progress even with all the above.   Very much hoping some of this is helpful to you.  I also talked about how much the forums help (told her they are strictly anonymous, as is the study she's doing).  You  always have my support if you want to talk more.  

[TheVorticon]

@CheerBear I'm doing alright thanks. Earlier in the week I kind of (extremely) imploded about a situation with my psych leading to a couple of sad days with no plan to fix it cause now I'm on an indefinite break. Less sad now though as long as I don't think about stuff.

[Shaz51]

ohhhh tender hugs @TheVorticon 

[Teej]

Hi @Shaz51 , @TheVorticon , @eth , @CheerBear , @frog , @Bimby2 and all. 

I just wanted to say hi 👋🏻 

@TheVorticon Sorry to read you’ve had a rough week. 

I have crashed a bit too. My mood is ok if that makes sense but the volcano bubbling underneath is feeling a bit worrysome. 

Im ok just trying to hold on and find my feet again. My brain is on a bit of a overthinking and really intense spree so I’m sorry if that is coming across. So hoping tomorrow is a bit better. 

Heres hoping everyones friday night has some good in it. 

[CheerBear]

Thank you for sharing all of that @eth. There's so much in your post and your journey. Hope today's interview felt OK for you.

@TheVorticon I saw your pics on Friday Feast. You have a great sense of humour 😊 I'm sorry to hear you had an implosion experience. They're rarely good for me. Do you mean you're on an indefinite break from seeing your psych?

Do you still play PoGo? I've been playing heaps more game stuff since we got the Switch. Games make me less sad. We've been playing Mario Party a lot and I'm mini game mad 🙂 (and probably a bad mum for taking as much pleasure as I do from beating my kids at games 😆).

@Teej hugs for your crashed out-ness and your bubbling volcano. I had volcanic style moments from the big trigger this week and have felt the need to work hard to manage it all. I hope your evening is going OK. Listening if it helps ❤

@frog wondering how your day went today and hoping you're OK enough.

@Shaz51 hugs for you too.

❤ to all