Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Healandlove]

Hi beautiful community!

@Shaz51 @TideisTurning @tyme @PinkFlamingo 

I hope everyone is having a restful evening. 

As many of you know my husband was diagnosed with complex-PTSD July last year. After a traumatic event with the extended family,  my husband and I started couple counselling.  It tool 1 year for him to agree to see a trauma clinical psychologist. He has been seeing his therapist for 6 months now. We have been undergoing marriage counselling with another psychologist and I am also seeing my own therapist and started EMDR therapy. Tonight my husband told me his therapist has offered for me to come to his next session for him to answer any questions that I may have and to help me ease my anxiety.  I told my husband I don't want to intrude in his safe space. He said his therapist is not going to give me therapy but has offered to answer questions for me. I am guessing it is around my husband's treatment and type of trauma?

My husband said it was up to me and that the offer is there.

What would you all do as support people?

Would you go? I am worried that by going then my husband may be dettered from going back to hus therapist. I feel I am intruding and that I shouldn't.  But the I think what if his therapist can provide me with reassurance about my husband's treatment/progress.

Nit sure what I should do. My husband said it was up to me. I think if he was against me going he would have kept this information to himself. 

His therapist reassured him it would be OK.

Sending everyone love and healing.

❤️

[amber22]

Hey @Healandlove 

Thank you so much for sharing what you're experiencing, I think that it is really great that you are getting so much support for yourself and for your marriage.

It is totally up to you whether you feel comfortable going or not, but I think the fact that the therapist has recommended it and thinks it would be beneficial for your husband might be something to consider in making your decision.

Do you feel uncomfortable going? Would you prefer to be able to be there or to keep it a bit separated and not get as involved? Either way will be fine, but I think it mainly comes down to what you want and what you think will be the best thing for you.

Sitting with you and sending virtual hugs,

amber22

[Healandlove]

@amber22 thank you so much for your prespective. I guess I am mostly worried about invading his personal safe space and hearing something I won't like, for example,  your husband won't be able to connect emotionally the way you want/need to.

But would a therapist say that?

On the other hand, that would be unethical no? We have marriage session next week so I might bring it up there and we can discuss it as a couple with the psychologist.  

One thing, I do agree with you that the therapist wouldn't suggest it if he didn't think it would be beneficial.  He said he has offered to answer any question I may have.

That he is not planning to give me therapy but to ease my anxiety on some of the things my husband does by answering my questions.  Hope this makes sense. 

Thank you for sitting with me in this confusing space. ❤️

[amber22]

I think it really depends on the therapist but most therapists won't be so black and white with comments like that @Healandlove 

I think it would be a really good thing to bring it up during your marriage counselling session and discuss it as a couple to see how you both really feel about it.

It might help to ease your anxiety and the therapist definitely has your best interest at heart and wants the best for you and your husband. See how you go and maybe the next step will be to bring it up in your marriage counselling session, but for now it is okay to sit in the confusion if you aren't sure ❤️

[Healandlove]

@amber22 thank you. These are good thoughts. I will bring it up next week and hopefully I will have some clarity on it all.

Thank you 🙏🏻❤️. Hoping you have a lovely weekend planned 😊 xx

[Shaz51]

hello @Healandlove , @amber22 

I agree with what @amber22 has suggested @Healandlove 

And I agree with @tyme 

[amber22]

That sounds like a great idea! @Healandlove 

Have a lovely weekend too ❤️

Sending lots of virtual hugs

[tyme]

That actually sounds so special that your husband has told you about coming in @Healandlove . That speaks a lot in itself. 

It doesn't mean you have to go every time. If it's a once off, then it's probably good so that they know you are supportive of your husband. If it was me, I think it would be valuable to get things out on the table and answer any questions you may have.

However, ultimately, it's your decision.

We look forward to hearing more about it.

[Healandlove]

@tyme , thank you for your thoughts.  The more I think about it, the more I think it would be a good idea to go just once.

I do feel like my husband telling me was a door opening. I think if he didn't want me to come he would have kept it to himself.

I hope he doesn't change his mind because I think I do want to go to support him and learn more about it to both support him and help my anxiety if it makes sense. It's a long a painful journey for both of us. 

I will keep you all posted.

Thank you for your insight and your kind words 🥰🫂

[tyme]

It may be good to have a prethink about what you want to find out. 

Do you think your hubby will need a chat beforehand with you just in case there are things he prefers you don't say? @Healandlove 

I'm not sure. 

Yet, the fact that he has mentioned it is HUGE.