Ask Anything Monday: Have a question you feel too apprehensive to ask?

[Jacques]

Hi Everyone,

I can speak as an adult son living with his mother, i have never had a job, never made any friends, never contributed anything to society, i have hidden away in my bedroom for 15 years, my mother has sacrificed a lot, all her savings, her mental health and her physical health has all taken a toll, on top of that i know she worries about what will happen to me if something happenes to her.

I don't know if pushing him or forcing him is good or bad, i don't know your situation, but i am unable because of my mental health to change my situation.

Their is a wonderful lady on this forum called @Appleblossom, she has a son who is sucessfully beating his MH problems and reintegrating into society, she has achieved this by gently encouraging him and guiding him back into society, i think that is the answer encouragement and positive reinforcement. 

I hope htings work out for you and your son, good luck, take care

Jacques

[Shaz51]

hello, welcome to the forum

i think that is the answer here is  encouragement and positive reinforcement

I do not know what your situation is , does he feel safe at home , how is he at home

I don`t think being tougher on him will be good

[xhoni]

I just wanna tell you thanks for sharing your story , It's difficult what you have gotten thorugh, I would love to help but I don't know exactly how!

[Maple]

I have definitely felt the same dilemma with regards to my husband who has been seeing a physiologist. I ask how things are going and when he is doing well he tells me...but when not so well he doesn't. That is when I would really like to know what is happening for him so I can understand and support. However he has refused to let me join him on a session and so I asked if he minded if I asked his psychologist but he said NO. And frankly I thing the therapists have privacy policies with regards to sharing info so no luck there. Now I am trying to take the relationship counselling avenue to see if we share our concerns whether he will open up to me. When he is in a good place this suits him but when he isn't then he is not interested in going with me. The more i push to be part of his treatment the more he pulls away. I don't think I know any answers either.

[Maple]

I have definitely felt the same dilemma with regards to my husband who has been seeing a physiologist. I ask how things are going and when he is doing well he tells me...but when not so well he doesn't. That is when I would really like to know what is happening for him so I can understand and support. However he has refused to let me join him on a session and so I asked if he minded if I asked his psychologist but he said NO. And frankly I think the therapists have privacy policies with regards to sharing info so no luck there. Now I am trying to take the relationship counselling avenue to see if we share our concerns with a councellor whether he will open up to me. When he is in a good place this suits him but when he isn't then he is not interested in going with me. The more i push to be part of his treatment the more he pulls away. I don't think I know any answers either.

At the moment I think he is in denial somewhat about his condition. Manic depression/yet to get a diagnosis for bipolar. I really can see the possibility of bipolar but he is avoiding any discussion and it is so cronic his avoidance of it that he is threatening to leave me. It must be very painful for him to go through therapy to even talk of leaving me if I ask how it is going. We have been together for 30 years and married for 16years (now with 2 children). 

[NikNik]

Happy Monday everyone!

Thanks to @PeppiPatty @Janna @Jacques @xhoni @Maple for your input last week.

This week's Ask Anything Monday question is:

I've been with my boyfriend now for 3 months. All is going very well. A friend of his, who doesn't know me very well, mentioned to me that he has a diagnosis of schizophrenia. He hasn't told me about this so I'm guessing he's not read. 

He seems highly functional - a bit quirky, but I think that's just him (& I like it!). 

I don't know much about schizophrenia and I want to better understand it. Should I ask him about it directly?

[Former-Member]

When people know you don't handle some things well & the deliberately do it more since you've told them, is this abuse? How do you handle passive aggressive abuse when sooooo sensitive? My head is explode.

[Maple]

I am learning, and it has taken me years of covering up for my husband, that abuse is abuse. Whatever the reason for it does not make it acceptable or more tolerated. Some of us are able to take more abuse than others but that doesnt make it is ok. We all have the right to be respected, treated with respect and heard. Passive agressive is one of the hardest things to see happening to us because, (as in my case) I thought the behaviour was my fault. I thought I deserved it, but no one does. It is a  round about way for the abuser to offload their feelings when they cant sit with it themselves. So, when I finally see it happening, I get quite angry about it. Then I can see why it is happening and I can empathise with my husbands pain. Then most importantly I let him know it is not ok to treat me like that and I will not tolerate it. He needs to deal with it then. But...sometimes I dont see it happening and I can fall in a hole. We are human after all.

[NikNik]

Hi @Former-Member

Boundaries are really important - but really hard to impose. Once you set them it's really important to stick to them for your own wellbeing.

I'm not quite sure if you were meant to post this in this discussion - as it's a place for people to anonymously submit their question, which we post each Monday. I think more people would see your post if you created your own thread about this very important topic.

I hope you're okay.
Nik

[Former-Member]

@NikNik, sorry but i don't understand your response.
- what boundaries?
- how do we 'anonymously' respond ? (without user name)
- where exactly should i go?