Topic Tuesday // Helping a loved one who doesn't want help // Tues 26 June, 7pm AEDT

[Lizard]

my son is a victim of out of home care.. where they don't careat all .. so much for Chiild protection!!

[DaisyMay]

I agree Yabitha.  Trying so hard to manage but it's difficult when every comment is met with resistance and defence, my daughter things I'm talking about her being unwell even when I'm not discussing the subject, she's so defensive.

[sbmc]

With my mum who has struggled with depression, generalised anxiety, social anxiety (from my observations- she doesn’t identify with these) and alcoholism, i’ve come to see that she has very rigid beliefs about what’s good and bad, all these things are ‘bad’/weak/have very negative connotations for her and it feels too hurtful for her to consider them about herself. She also doesn’t feel that anything she has tried to help herself has worked, so she seems to have stopped trying, learning new things or considering new ways of thinking. She feel very helpless and hopeless (I think- she also struggles to communicate vulnerable feelings).

[Lizard]

how is someone whom is possibly suicidal and has social anxiety going to call and say to a complete stranger on the other end of the phone."I want to die" or "I don't want to be here anymore??" that's what leaving care think they will do.. 

[Kelly]

Hi DaisyMay
yes my son who is 25 can convince the Drs he's ok and will take meds. I know they're the experts but I'm the expert of my son and I know he won't comply.

[Former-Member]

Welcome @Yabitha  @Flick88- thanks for joining us andn for you input. Confidence is a big factor in this discussion.

Also welcome to @Gaye1 - this sounds like a very specific and hard situation. Quite frustrating. And I wish I had all the answers. Tonight is about a community discussion around things we can do to help improve our situations so our loved ones can be more open to help. I hope this helps and if you need more support you are always welcome to ring our helpline too. 

[Lizard]

sounds like my son.

[Adge]

Yes communication is a good point @Former-Member

Even when communication is tactful & careful - Mum's response can often be reactive & punitive.

- eg freezing all communication & all attempts at reaching understanding - by refusing to talk to me (or others) for several weeks at a time.

When no harm was intended, & Mum will not even say what upset her....

Adge

[DaisyMay]

exactly! It's even hard for me to reach out for help to an anonymous stranger and talk about how I'm feeling, let alone expect my daughter to do it.

[Lizard]

if anyone her has a child/young person with disablities.. whilst on the subject of control issues.. google PATHOLOGICAL DEMAND AVOIDANCE!!