Lived Experience Forum

[tipsytopsy]

Hi

I constantly have feelings of low self worth.
I stress about new challenges in office too much
I am never relaxed. Laughing out with friends or family.
I don't speak my mind in office meetings and am terrified of that.
Challenges bring a chain reaction of thoights. Leading to ultimate fear of losing my job and in the process of making my dependents suffer

Also a nagging thought iscthat with so much of shortcomings and low esteem how will I retain grow.. And keep making ends meet

Not being assertive also makes losses and I fear when I had not expressed myself where I should have
I see everyone else as smarter than me and personalize too much
I think I fear when I have new responsibility which requires challenge and hard work and the stream of negative thoughts low esteem personalization follows.
People in office don't know they manage accept get help and move Ahead
I don't know I personalize get hypetstressed and do it causing lot of emotional stress to myself and carrying sad face
I don't know why I am screwd up
As a child I did have some experiences which hurt me

My father mother were weird ..father being hyper ...though good at heart
Mother was fearful constantly asking money from relatives pleasing every relative forcing us to plead every relative
Sister was a devil
Always letting me down..crushing my confidence..fighting..I hated her and still I get jitters and don't like talking to her at all
I was brash till age of 10... Then I got very hurt by social boycott of my close friend
That incident made me subdued
Then during last years of my school I had to give an exam to get into engineering.I was told that I had to clear it anyhow..
The feeling of being given no option depressed me..
I went into depression
Suicidal..
Tried to discuss my thoughts with everyone but no one understood
With terrified depressed state I managed to clear the exam...though could have done better
This episode gave me a lesson that I should never think of suicide.
Also I was sick at age 10 then one of the bully called me out and slapped me 50 times.I was down with fever and fearful..could reply to him 5 times..
He beat me becauseme and one of my friend who was a boy like me were experimenting with our sexuality and the news spread.
One more boy kept teasing me about it...I felt very bad but could not reply or discuss the matter with anyone....that's my sucked out childhood. My parents did love me a lot and did made me do any work and gave special treatment but I remember childhood to be sad ..not ablecto deal with emotions

In college too I got beaten...due to politics...
Rest later

[chookmojo]

Hi @tipsytopsy and Welcome to the forums.

I hope you find it very welcoming and supportive here as I have done.

It sounds like you are really struggling currently with feelings of low self worth, and don't feel very able to speak up and assert yourself.

I can relate to that, it can be extremely hard to treat yourself as though you have value when you have been taught by the behaviours of others that you do not have value.

It sounds like you have had some bad experiences where other people have really put you down and made you feel worthless, and where you have been punished for standing up for yourself. 

Are you able to recognise any positive qualities and strengths in yourself? We have a couple of nice and interesting threads on here about Character Strengths that you might find interesting... let's see if I can work out how to make it link....

Here you go 

What are your top strengths

Another nice one around Character Strengths

When I was recently seeing my psychologist (for a fare up of severe anxiety) one of the things she got me to do was to pay attention to the way I talk to myself. eg I would say 'I'm an idiot!' (to put it VERY mildly) if I made any mistake, even if n-one else new about it, like I had to be perfect all of the time in everything or I was worthless... she suggested that I try to rephrase this into something more neutral and try to replace the self-put-down with neutral or postive things instead eg 'That was a mistake, I'll try to remember next time how to do it properly'.

I know of some other execrise too that can help with shifting ideas about self worth if you are interested (this has been kind of a pet area for me for years ).

[tipsytopsy]

Thanks chocomojo

[NikNik]

hi @tipsytopsy

I second the welcome from @chookmojo

Glad you found us!

It seems like you have been through ALOT. How are things for you now? Are you working through things?

[Appleblossom]

Hello @tipsytopsy

Bullying among children was far too common, whatever the reasons.

I can remember feeling overwhelmed in the office and not confident to share without others putting me down.  I hope you find support here.

[tipsytopsy]

Thanks guys...

[Imogen]

Hi @tipsytopsy sorry to hear you've had a lot of heartaches. I also have low self-worth and have been going through a patch where I have no faith in my ability to do things I thought I was good at.  Because I have 3 Uni degrees people think I'm really smart but I don't think I am. I like to write poetry but again I undermine myself by saying that it's no good. Some people love it and encourage me but others won't appraise it for me. Even trying to get back to work (I haven't had paid work for 6 years) has been giving me a defeatist attitude. I volunteer in an English as a Second Language class, I thought I could try classroom teaching again until the teacher asked me to take the class and it was disastrous. I still volunteer but have no faith in my ability to teach a large group, I will have to go back to private tutorials again. Sorry if I'm rambling and this doesn't relate to your post I am new to the Forums and trying to find things I can relate to. Good luck with your job and I hope your self-worth improves.

[Ali11]

Something I'm working on myself, @Imogen. I had to give a public speech 2 years ago, and it went better than my nerves expected, but I did zero prep work besides telling myself I deserved to be there. I felt like I was boring the crowd, that I wasn't saying anything they hadn't heard before, that they probably knew better than me. Everything anyone in the crowd could've critiqued, I'd already beaten them to it. A year went by without me doing any more speaking to crowds, but then I was offered another opportunity. This time I made myself rehearse, over and over until I could recite my speech backwards. I was still incredibly nervous, but it made a little more calm that I'd prepared.

When the teacher asked you to take that class, were you given much notice? It's easy to be hard on ourselves for not thriving under pressure, but we have to forgive ourselves as well, because going out of that comfort zone is how we learn and grow. Would you like to give teaching another try if you had more time to prepare a class? Definitely not rambling in your comment, so no apology needed! Welcome to the forums 

[Imogen]

Hi @Ali11 thanks for sharing your experiences with public speaking. I think I could give teaching another go as today a student said to me after class "you are not a volunteer, you are a teacher, you help me correct my work." The disastrous lesson was completely unexpected and unplanned, I had to take over from the paid teacher while she helped a student elsewhere. So maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I was at one stage taking a group of beginners (if I haven't mentioned it already I volunteer with English as a second or other language ESOL students) with material I had prepared. We decided for various reasons that it was better they joined the rest of the class. I can handle 4-6 students but not 15 especially when they are all at different levels. I guess it's a learning journey. Thanks for your encouragement it meant a lot to me.