Recent Breakup

[HopeDream]

Hello,

I just wanted to share how things have been going for me lately. Recently, I broke up with my boyfriend, and we weren't together for very long, but we had a really meaningful connection that I valued a lot. He was someone that I could talk to about anything, and I felt really safe and secure around him. However, he and I had fundamentally different beliefs that inevitably caused conflict in our relationship - essentially, I got offended by a joke he made about women not being good drivers, which made me realise that he has more conservative/traditional beliefs, whereas I have more progressive/modern beliefs. When I told him how his "joke" offended me, he said it was "just a joke", and that was when I ended things with him. It wasn't just this - he is homophobic as well, and believes that women should be tidy and well-presented.

It makes me really sad because I thought he would be someone that I could spend the rest of my life with. And it feels like a big part of me is missing now, like the foundation on which I'm standing on is crumbling. 

If anyone has any tips/advice/words of encouragement, I'd really appreciate it. This whole situation has gotten me down and all forms of support would help me a lot during this time.

- HopeDream

[Ru-bee]

Hi @HopeDream I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this right now. Break ups are rough, and heartbreak is just awful.

I think it can get glossed over sometimes or trivialized, but heartbreak is a type of grief: grieving the person who isn't around us anymore, and grief for the future we imagined having with them. 

It does take time to readjust to this new reality that we're not with this person anymore, but it will eventually get more manageable, even though it doesn't feel like it right now. 

My only tips for right now are to give yourself space to feel and process, and take extra care of yourself while you're doing it. Reach out to loved ones and let them care for you, and reach out here too.

[Complex123]

i can relate to that i lost a partner of 39 years in November 2022, in Feb this year met someone who i thought was good but ended up always putting me down i don't think he meant to its just what he does we broke up Monday dating in 2024 is hard

[HopeDream]

Hi @Complex123 

I'm really sorry to hear that happened to you. I can definitely relate to your feelings of being put down by someone who's supposed to care for you...I hope you know you're not alone. It's tough but I know we can get through this tough period.

Thinking of you and sending you lots of strength.

- HopeDream

[HopeDream]

Hi @Ru-bee 

Thanks for your words of support and advice, I really appreciate it. I definitely do experience heartbreak in a similar way I experience grief, but it can sometimes be hard when the people around you tell you to just "get over it", even if it is with good intention. I will definitely continue coming on here as the support on here has been wonderful and I find things easier to bear when other people can relate to my experiences.

- HopeDream

[rav3n]

hey @HopeDream i'm sorry to hear about your break up - having conflicting views/values with someone you love can be hard to deal with, and it definitely takes a lot of strength to be able to stand up for yourself and choose to no longer surround yourself with someone who has disrespectful beliefs. 

you might feel like somethings missing and 'your foundation is crumbling' - i think that this just shows how much you loved and valued this person, and over time, that feeling will fade. surrounding yourself with people who bring goodness into your life like your friends/family, will help too. you will rebuild that foundation even stronger than before. even tho this relationship is over, i'm sure you've learnt so much about yourself throughout it and it's shaped you into a newer version of yourself. 💗

[Complex123]

thank you i am moving on by being here and being supported by all on here

[Glisten]

@HopeDream Good for you. You are a great example to others, how not to tolerate demeaning disguised as a joke.

My ex-narcissist didn’t start that until he had stolen most of my money.

G

[jamesnewby]

Ouch, well this is great that you can identify straight up that he would not be the ideal person for you. In saying that, people say that all the time, maybe a silly Aussie thing, I doubt he thought anything about in terms of a genuine insult.

[tyme]

Hey @jamesnewby ,

Welcome to the forums. Great to have you with us 🙂

Feel free to introduce yourself here Re: Welcome! Introduce yourselfi here 🙂