Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

When there is too much in my head I found it very hard to contentrate on my studies.  I think the thing that saved me was the fact I had great notes.  I wish you all the best in your academic endeavours, @Doc_Gonzo   congratulations on undertaking your masters.  I have one word for you "sources"  😛

[Kurra]

LOL @Former-Member!

[sleepyboboes]

CriCri63 wrote "please be patient with us people who do not live with a mental health issue, who do not have to fight with anxiety every minute of the day, who do not have to think and re-think and question everything we do... we can't possibly begin to understand how this must feel, but I am so much wanting to try"
Thank you for your effort. Unfortunately I find in my life it is only people working in the area of mental health and even then only a portion of these people that seem to be making a similar effort to understand.
If I try just stating facts of my situation the response I get is usually something alongside the lines of I'm being negative.... But I'm just giving an object fact without any emotion or bias in an effort to be understood.
I agree that the majority of people are just responding to me based on their expectations of what they want me to be and they are too selfishly caught up in their own lives to want to think about what I said. People don't want to "actively listen" because they would mean they have to invest in thinking more than want to. I agree that people have the opinion that I overthink just because they don't want to think.
The outcome is that I constantly feel invalidated, isolated and force to comply to everyone else's expectations. I too have got to the point where I have lowered my expectations so far that I don't expect anything positive towards me from anyone. It's a struggle to find a reason to live in such a world because I have got to the stage where I can no longer be look after myself or be successful when I once was.

[Doc_Gonzo]

Alrightyo, I am back from a brief break while i sorted study and the final days at work. I am now unemployed (as was expected) and I am feeling a lot better about the world. I am still living with a lot of distress and the Portals (visual stimuli) are in overdrive at the moment. I am on the highest dose of medication that I have been on for a long time.

Having said that now that I am away from my former employer I am feeling better about the world around me at least. The two week intensive was an incredibly energising experience and I walked into work for my final week on the Monday like a gunslinger entering a bar. At least for my last week I was back to the fiery radical activist that I was when I started working there. So I kinda left on a high note which was good.

Now back to the discussion. I am still appalled at the attitudes of some people. Like we can talk about being depressed having anxiety (not being anxious there is a difference, rant for another day!) as long as it is done in a way that is palatable for the person listening. However when it comes to things like say for example going through mania and psychosis and living with "hallucination's" not my word 'their" word. Then suddenly people go deaf and blind and go out of their way to not be available for the people living with these things.

I take a lot of pride in my ability to stand firm and move on when my psychological health is in turmoil, however it gets tiring and bothersome to not be able to talk about what is going on honestly. Now I will admit that I have two therapists who and a gp who are fantastic. It has taken a long time to find people that I trust enough to be completely honest with. As far as friends and family go I have given up trying. I just default to " I'm fine, how are you?" because at the end of the  day they are not really asking me how I am going, they are just creating a segue into a conversation about them and how they are going.

The last time my mother visited I barely spoke, because as soon as I said something my story would be highjacked and turned into a story about her. It wasn't a bad experience as such, purely because I expect nothing less and therefore do not react and I respond in a skilled way that avoids any conflict.

I was talking with fellow peer workers today and we were discussing how we are sick of being viewed as lesser workers because of our mental health 'Status'. Many professionals view us as fragile snowflakes waiting to melt and the way they speak to us and about us can be quite upsetting. This is a systemic issue that still perceive mental health as you are either unwell, or well and awaiting the next meltdown. We were discussing that we rarely feel validated as professionals outside of our peer's because there is this systemic belief that we are not 'true' professionals. I am a qualified social worker, I had a gpa of 6.3 out of a possible seven ( I was hospitalised during this time and developed a neurological condition that leaves me with chronic pain and limited movement and worked and lived life). I have created, found funding for and  facilitated numerous community projects and yet, people still talk at me or to me in a way that shows a) they never listen to a word I say and b) they are looking at me through a very narrow and dark tinted lens and this is reflected back at me via their responses to the things I say about my mental health. A lens that often views me as 'lesser' or 'fragile'.

Just Stop! I have been through a lot, still live with a lot AND I am also highly functional despite the crap I live with. When I speak about what is goin on it is not because I am falling apart ( unless I say otherwise) it is because I would like to talk about my life the way that others talk about theirs. I am not looking for answers or solutions, just for someone to be with me in that moment.

[Spookytookims]

@Doc_Gonzo  Do you think what you are talking about is a type of confirmation bias?  Which is akin to what I was trying to say in an earlier post to you on my previous alias.

An example of people see and perceive what they want to, and even those with a more open mind, who perceive rather than judge, can fall prey to its folly.

In text (on the forum for example) it is far easier to succumb to it because we are in a position where we lack visual cues, but even face to face it can cloud interpretation unconsciously.  Some people may do what you are describing with conscious intent; others may do it through thoughtlessness and/or because they are perceiving through a veil of confirmation bias.

Isn't it "funny" how we, the less understood, seek to understand 'them' more than they do "us"?  That's a whole other side to what you have said, but your post brings it to mind and I see its relationship.

Of course with some people it can also be as simple as they just don't know how to act and would rather not deal with anything outside their comfortable cerebral cocoon.

Congratulations on leaving in your fiery radical activist mode 🙂  That has to bring a smile to your face.

[Doc_Gonzo]

@Spookytookims Confirmation bias may be a part of it. I would argue that it is a very complex picture with many faces.

If we were to dot point the numerous intersecting forces at play within responses than I think the list would be comprehensive.

 - Confirmation bias -

People responding in a way that aligns with pre-existing belief sets. This in itself is a very complex scenario as once again there are numerous intersecting forces at play.  Socialisation, media, neo-liberalism are just a few of the influences behind people developing confirmation biases. People can struggle to remove themselves from a situation and focus on others as this in itself is a genuine skill. This can lead to a lot of confusion as people get stuck on this is what worked for me, this is what I understand, this is what i believe etc, so therefore this must be what is happening for you and therefore if you do this, you will be fine. Our biases are one of many influences that are present in any given context.

 - Skill level -

once again a very complex picture with many intersecting forces at play. I have said before it is a genuine skill to be able to listen and to respond. There are many absent but implicit influences in conversations such as gender, class, experience, knowledge etc, which are often in the background and always present. It would be impossible to name all the intersecting forces that are present in any situation and as a result so many of these things remain hidden. The level of knowledge a person brings to a conversation influences their ability to respond. If people are unaware of the many nuanced absent but implicit influences within any given space, than it is hard for them to be able to relate to people at a level that is congruent with that person's actual experiences. The broader and more comprehensive a person's knowledge base, the better equipped they are to respond ina validating way. (brief overview of a complex scenario)

 - What is not being shared -

It is also impossible for a person to speak about their experiences in a way that clearly articulates every single aspect of what is influencing their experience at that point in time. The history of problems, the communities they reside within, every single experience they have ever had to name but a few, influence conversation, interpretation and perception. These things are always present, however they are not openly articulated by people so therefore there are always pieces missing from any conversation. This leaves gaps in information. So when a person is speaking they are often leaving information out of the conversation, which in turn limits the complexity of the experience the person is relaying. For a listener to be able to draw out the absent but implicit they must be aware that there are always absent but implicit pieces of the puzzle. It takes skill to engage in a conversation that draws out the absent but implicit. Often it involves utilising lines of questioning that are aimed at encouraging a person to connect with with their experiences in a broader way. This is once again a skill.

 - Questioning vs assuming -

Assumptions are the bane of our existence. We all have  high levels of knowledge that we have gathered throughout the years and as a result we have an  leaning towards 'knwoing' rather that unconscious 'asking'. I find those who are the most skilled listeners are often the ones who ask questions to explore and to confirm, rather than those who take the position of an expert and assume that they know.

I could continue with this all day. I would appreciate others insights, so please feel free to join in