Lived Experience Forum

[Doc_Gonzo]

@BlueBay I will get back to you soon. As I have stated previously I drop in and out of these forums often. Mostly because I am very busy and or in a lot of pain ( I live with chronic pain). So I will try to respond to your questions as soon as I can.

I will start by saying that letting go of expectations is hard and frustrating work and one that requires guidance from someone who has the capacity to guide you through the process and offer opportunities to practice conversations, questions, responses et cetera. At least that is what it took for me and years of practice. Starting with me cutting off all communications with the people that were walking all over me.

It still hurts me very much to know that my mother is only ever interested in herself. even when she speaks about 'my mental health' it is always about her.

However I have learned to expect this and be prepared for it. I do not however expect her to show genuine concern for me or my welfare. She only cares about my successes so she can brag to others.

She was here on Friday night and we had a reasonably good night. There were several points where in my head i imagined throttling her because she just has no ability to think beyond her own experiences ( and not even to relate to others, only ever her and her alone). However I know this will always be this way so I expect nothing less.

I hope to give you a better response soon, however I am in pain and tired and have to get up early.

[BlueBay]

Thankyou @Doc_Gonzo

[Former-Member]

Hi @Doc_Gonzo 🙂

Thank you.  

Yes.. I understand the term "going through the motions" but I think this type of thing is a different level.  Yes, it could be a case of going through the motions you could be correct.  But sometimes it is a case of perception.  A "leap to conclusion" if you want a more colloquial phrasiology.  That is, a certain perspective is assumed, not through complete lethargy or disinterest in cognition, but because of preconceived ideas.

Do you see a distinction?  I know it is an abstract one so it is hard to quantify.  English can be limited with these concepts and observations. I hope I have conveyed a sense of the separation.

[Doc_Gonzo]

Sorry @Former-Member. I am with you now.

I put up with this a as well.

The one I have the most is when I am talking about something very normal such as struggling with an assignment or feeling a bit off and the response is a long the lines of ' sounds to me like you need to see your psychiatrist.

Rather than acknowledge what it is that is happening. They just give you an automated response based on what ever notions dominate their at the time.

Similar to you have depression  so you need to go for a walk  because I read an article that says walking cures depression. 

Is this what you mean? 

[Doc_Gonzo]

I hope I am getting close to what you are talking about @Former-Member as I would hate to think I am adding to that sense of invalidation.

[CriCri63]

thank you so much for posting this, Doc_Gonzo, your explanation is so valuable for someone like me, I am a mental health support worker and I am always searching for ways to be a better support person to my participants. I will show your post to several of my participants who will recognise themselves right there, I hope that will encourage them to open up and verbalise how they want to be helped and heard.

please be patient with us people who do not live with a mental health issue, who do not have to fight with anxiety every minute of the day, who do not have to think and re-think and question everything we do... we can't possibly begin to understand how this must feel, but I am so much wanting to try... it's like learning a foreigh language, repetition will make us master the lesson, but we will make many mistakes along the way. people in general mean well, but I know that it doesn't even help to know that.

what would be very helpful to do, if you can, is ask clearly for what you want or need... it's ok to say:

i don't want you to say anything, i don't want you to fix anything or give me advice or solutions, I just want you to listen to me and be heard... I don't want glib comments about how well I am doing when I feel that I am not handling anything well at all...

I am being truthful by saying that I often struggle to understand, but I will keep trying, I ask my participants to be brutally honest with me, I don't judge their state of mind, their feelings or lack of them... I ask how I can be someone who is part of the picture, maybe by being a listener, maybe by just being there, sitting comfortably in silence, if exhaustion takes over and words become too hard to even produce.  

[Former-Member]

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@Doc_Gonzo wrote:
I hope I am getting close to what you are talking about @Former-Member as I would hate to think I am adding to that sense of invalidation.

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@Doc_Gonzo  Purely objective discussion, so nope no sense of invalidation. I need to rethink my perception imagery for you.  Discussions in perception and cognition are things I often have with a dear friend of mine, a Professor Emerita. She has intoduced me to many great thinkers.  Bohm for example.  Prior to that my "heroes" for thinking were more Russell, Voltaire, Socrates and Eastern, Vedic, Zoroastrian and Buddhist thought.  Tie those in with my most recent "acquisition" quantum physics and the Bohr/Einstein debate on spooky action and entanglement, you begin to see the problem. 🙂

So...  with a backgound like that, I'm not surprised my thoughts on perception aren't being easily transmitted.  But you are doing well, I'm just having trouble finding the right "conveyance".  Sorry.  I will think further on it and get back to you.

@CriCri63 , Insightful usage of Doc's words.  Funnily enough, my thought, prior to your posting,  - "I wish the person I had dealings with had read this post first".  Your addition pretty much completes the circle, making it somehow neatly synchronistic. I was hesitant to post my earlier example, but now I am glad I did.  Thankyou.

[Doc_Gonzo]

Things are starting to get on top of me and I have a lot of stuff I need to focus on. I am doing a two week intensive study block for my masters and so I am going to drop out of the forums for a while. 

There is too much going on inside of me at the moment and I need to withdraw for a bit. I will try to come back and respond to peoples comments soon. I hope that people will keep the conversation going regardless.

[BlueBay]

that's fine @Doc_Gonzo

take it easy and good luck with your study

take care, chat again soon

Bluebay 🙂

[Kurra]

Good decision @Doc_Gonzo. I found focusing intensely on my studies helped to quell those disquieting and often overwhelming feelings.
May the force be with you. ☺