OCD and return to work

[Matty]

Hi there this is my story

I have severe ocd and have been off work for the last 8 months.

My OCD is environmental with myself scared to leave the house at times due to 

what could be floating in the air.

If I smelt any smoke or strange smells I would shut or windows and doors of the house immediately .

If I was driving and I see dust floating across the road or smoke I would have a severe anxiety attack  and stop

the car and turn it around trying to find another away around it.

I lost 15 kilograms of weight in 6 months due to myself being scared to touch food in case I contaminate it and the OCD

sometimes making me  not even care about looking after myself.

I refused medication believing I could beat it myself but failed miserably.

I started taking medication   and noticed a difference after around 3 weeks, I got my appetite back and would wake up

with plenty of energy  keeping myself busy for most of the day.

I still had  OCD thoughts however they would usually  disappear after 10 to 15 minutes compared to days of previous reoccurring thoughts that would not go away.

i am due to return to work and have been on the medication for 2 and a half months problem is my anxiety levels are risiing rapidly again with OCD thoughts staying with me and I am wondering  whether it is the fear of returning to work or is it possibly I have become used to the medication 

Any advice or similar experiences please let me know

Thankyou

[Fancy_Pants]

Hi @Matty

Welcome to the forums! Thank you for sharing your story its sounds like you have been through a really difficult time, you obviously have a lot of inner strenght to keep pushing yourself which is really inspiring. 

I do hope you come to find this community very supportive of one another and i also hope you have an opportunity to read the stories and experiences of others here, because there are so many wise words and tales of strength and endurance through adversity.

I know others have discussed returing to work and i am wondering anyone has any advice or experieces they can share? @Griff25 @rimemariner29 @PeppiPatty @Tim_H

There are also some interesting ideas in this thread about treatment for OCD and an interesting thread here about living and working with MH symptoms (schizophrenia) 

I look forward to your future posts

take care 

[Matty]

e: OCD and return to work
i am seeing a pyschsatrist once a month and have another 3 weeks before my next appointment.
problem is financially I have to return to work due to financial pressures.
OCD has nearly torn my family apart and my wife and I are only held together because of
the kids.
i still hate being reliant on medication but I see there is no real alternative.
meds still scare me,
my support group is non existent my family has turned there backs on me due to my mental illness.
i have one sister who said myself and my family are no longer welcome to visit or talk to them while I am sick so dont really have anyone.
i used to have plenty of friends but because I have isolated myself due to my OCD they r no longer in contact with me.
i honestly believe unless you have a mental illness you will not understand anything about people with one.
Have you tried alternative therapies

[PeppiPatty]

dear @Matty,

It seems really unfair that your family has cut you off.......

And your marriage is failing......

It feels like you can look at all of the main issues and keep the ones which are not as dire/ not at crisis  point.

The most truest thing that you need to do is find support.

I'm a woman so my ways of getting support might be different than yours. 

I work as a support worker once per week/fortnight. 

I get support from a community centre. As I have the ability to, i help some of my friends write letters to getting help from agencies or  state Government Agencies.

I ask friend to be my one and only ....person I see for my emotional ride. He just came over to service my car....... (I paid him )

A good GP

SILVER CHAIN come in once a week or fortnight 

To make sure im not sitting on my butt staring in space. 

See a Psychotherapist maybe once or twice per year. 

I have been berated, abused, ignored, laughed at by my immediate family. I just ' held my guns,for years and was patient. Shame, shame on your family for not being supportive. But You can overcome this.  

I am happy to call myself a proud consumer whimeans that I am proud to have the guts to access mental health agencies in the past.  

Medication, whether you like it or not is going to benefit your relationship with your children. 

[Matty]

Thanks for the reply
I see a physchiatrist once a month
I tried a psychologist for 6 months but my OCD overpowered any behavioral therapies I tried.
I have overcome my anger towards my family who have disowned me and I am focusing my energy on repairing my family life .
I tried mental health hot line but they kept asking
Me if I was suicidal and if I was not then I was ok.
OCD crippled my life I would check things repeatedly and I would throw away clothes because I believed they were contaminated I would have several showers a day and wash my vehicle 3 or 4 times a week
This is what makes work scary going from a clean safe environment of the home back to large industrial sites that are dirty smelly and noisy
It is facing all your fears at once and trying to overcome them.

[Appleblossom]

I try a few a alternative therapies but cant afford to go the whole hog with them.  In that way being poor is probably helpful.

It makes sense in some ways that you are trying to clean the home space as a place where you do have some control as opposed to the workplace where it is so contaminated.  I know occupational health and safety can be lacking in many places and often just window dressing.  Can you try and find a different type of work rather than focussing completely on your behaviours as pathological?

My brother is in an unhappy marriage and intimacy with a person who is hostile can be very debilitating... but still I believe it is important to turn up every stone.. if it is possible to save a marriage.

[PeppiPatty]

dear @Matty,

All I knoa is that this is your life. You gotta manage it well and be a role model for people around you and in the end.....you.

if you have only called mental health agencies, they are required to say that. The thing to do is to

( this can be very difficult) 

Go somewhere and lay down what you want to acheive.

There is help. 

[Matty]

i am trying to save my marriage but the major way to do that is to try minimise my OCD behaviour and become that role model my kids could be proud of.
I have a large family of 6 kids and that is the major reason why we are still together I am trying to keep my kids under one roof.
I have been a tradesman for over 20 years and have applied for retail jobs and store person jobs but being older they would obviously prefer junior staff.
I am a little better than I was 3 months ago
However a controlled environment at my house is so much easier to deal with than work environment.
I went to Melbourne last Wednesday to see my old bosses and pick up a work car to drive 500 kilometres home.
I picked up the car and just driving down Sydney road I saw a white dust floating across the road which I could not avoid so
After I drove through it MY OCD cllicked in.
I thought all the way home that it was asbestos and if I drove the car home it would harm my family so on the way home I went through 3 automatic car washes and did not sleep properly for 3 nights.
I then rang my old boss and said I needed another week or 2 off would anyone else freak out in this situation or is it just me.

[Appleblossom]

No, I would not react that way, but have a different type of personality with very different strengths and weaknesses. I would definitely freak out if I had to be a perfect role model to 6 kids. Thats a huge family and standards of care to individual children has risen so much.

Dont pick on your behaviour so much .. be gentler with yourself. You seem to know it is an extreme reaction but still felt in the grip of the response.  Whe I was having a panic attack because the wrong brand of Mexican food was all that I could choose .. I knew it wasnt rational ... I have less panic attacks in the supermarket because I have realised the source and cause of all my pressure about providing acceptable food etc. ... but I still had to endure the experience and the time it took to re-centre myself.

I still try to find things that are wrong with me .. Sydney Road triggers me in other ways.

I believe in embracing being human rather than trying to be perfect .. we just cant do it .. and with the MI pandemic it seems important for a lot of people to accept that.

I also believe there is a reason for extreme thought, emotions and behaviours .. be kind to you .. you have your hands full.

If the kids and finances are somewhat secure can you go into business for yourself and put the OCD part of self into doing good work, getting a reputation and doing things you value .. not just suffering to put bread on the table.

I guess I am saying I think a reaction to working in industry is probably understandable.

[Matty]

Thank you for the response
I do agree with you that I have my hands full,
I always believed I had a little OCD in me but the last 2 years I have been living in hell unsure what triggered it
I was trying my hand in realestate and working long hours and the large family all contributed together
Work I will do my best to try sort something out in the next 2 weeks.
I feel that I have to protect my kids 24/7 and I am constantly looking for dangers.
Do you think of things that could raise your anxiety levels before you leave the house or do you just notice things that other people don't
And when you reach that high anxiety level how do you cope with those irrational thoughts