Lived Experience Forum

[Anny101]

I'm so frustrated. Anytime I express how I'm feeling to my sister, about her I'll behaviour toward me that makes me upset, she feels attacked (due to her trauma) goes into fight flight gets defensive and thus won't apologise and hear me out, which in turn frustrates me and makes me feel gaslight and not heard. It's a never ending cycle!

She makes me feel like I'm this horrible person when I'm just expressing upset from being treated poorly by her at times.

[tyme]

Hey @Anny101 ,

I wonder if there is a better time or way it could be shared with her?

Or if you share it about how YOU have been feeling as opposed to what she's doing?

Do you think any of the above will help? Or have you tried it already?

[Anny101]

I'm not sure you read my post

You are asking questions not related to what I wrote

With all respect

What do you mean better time?

I clearly wrote I express how I feel (which means I obviously did not mention what she's doing)....your questions aren't helpful at all, sorry

[SkySeeker22]

@Anny101 

I'm sorry you aren't getting the support you need from your sister.  I understand how frustrating it can be when you are open and honest with someone and then don't feel supported or heard when you've opened up to them.

If your sister is feeling attacked when you express how you feel, is there another way that you could frame/put this to her in a different way that may not trigger her trauma?  Are you able to point out to her that you understand that she gets triggered when you talk to her and that isn't your intention, but also explain the importance for you in you being able to say what you need to her?  

Warm regards

SkySeeker22

[Asgard]

Hi @Anny101 

You are in a difficult situation, but you are cluey enough to realise what triggers your sister.  So you have to change tack.  Full on confronting her doesn't work, you said so yourself.  How about you each say one thing the other does that annoys them.  You might learn something new about yourself and your sister.

Different approach I know, but ye never know it could open dialogue between you.

[Anny101]

As much as I think that's a great new idea I've never heard, another part of me worries that may escalate us worse, pointing fingers and feeling attacked and getting defensive, we both have trauma and fragile egos and we don't argue well or communicate over an argument well.....I guess something I remember that has worked is getting her when she's In a good calm mood and trying it then when she's calmer

[Anny101]

• I have thought about it and the time mention is one that I think will work, correct, I will get her at a "good time" meaning when I can see she's happy and calm...hopefully I don't ruin her mood and have her snap at me for doing so haha my sister is difficult completely when it comes to any confrontation no matter HOW or when I bring it up, she feels super attacked due to the emotional abuse she's dealt with as a child....it's a hard never ending cycle unfortunately